How to Win Friends and Influence People: Your Impact on Others
How to Win Friends and Influence People Reading this book is a great discovery of awareness for me. Originally didn’t think it would have much of value in it – in fact, I’m sure I dismissed it as too simplistic to be worth the time.
What’s that old saying ‘Don’t Judge a Book By It’s Cover’?
The all time best seller took awhile to interest me. It has been through the reading of many other books that the value of this book caught my eye. Word of mouth recommendations are certainly powerful!
My experience with 'How to win friends and influence people'.
This book helps to focus people skills in a way that helps anybody understand.
Dale Carnegie discovers people need help relating to other people. So many not be aware of how to treat others. Some have no idea how to genuinely connect and influence people.
By writing down his experiences, this book ‘How To Win Friends and Influence People’ now helps tens of thousands of people. The reader has tools to improve relationships, increase their ability to sell or increase their ability to add value to their lives and careers.
Success books are about giving you an idea, some stimulus or training to move you from one place to the next. I enjoy reading these books – anything that can help me become a better person!
These 3 tips are taken from the first section of the book: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People.
See how you rate yourself on these.
1. Don't criticise, condemn or complain
Criticism, condemnation or complaining alienates and can set others against you. He advises:
‘When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity’.
If someone criticises you, even if it was deserved, does it make you want to help that person or do something to make them happy? Or does it make you withdraw, get angry, irritated or annoyed.
The criticised person tends to justify themselves, because they only see things from their own point of view. It’s easier to blame others. Therefore, when criticised they can be defensive, resentful and hurt. Ultimately the situation that needed to be changed will stay the same.
Psychologists have proven in case studies ‘animals rewarded for good behaviour will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behaviour’.
Encourage the good.
Having self-control and great character is the aim for all of us.
‘A great man (or woman) shows greatness by the way he treats little men’.
Decide the type of person you want to be known for.
Be someone who influences people with patience, understanding and speaking the good of everybody.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
‘The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important’.
Make people feel important and you will have instant rapport.
It’s important to take the time to thank others, acknowledge their contribution, notice the little things done around you. Show your appreciation and their heart will open because you care about what they care about – themselves!
Be lavish in your praise and acknowledgement of everyone you meet. Not in a false, mechanical way but genuinely reach out and sincerely connect – it will reap unbelievable rewards.
He tells a story to illustrate this truth:
‘According to this silly story, a farm woman, at the end of her heavy day’s work, set before her menfolks a heaping pile of hay. And when they indignantly demanded whether she had gone crazy she replied: “Why, how did I know you’d notice? I’ve been cooking for you men for the last twenty years and in all that time I’ve heard no word to let me know you wasn’t just eating hay.” When a study was made a few years ago on runaway wives, what do you think was discovered to be the main reason wives ran away? It was ‘lack of appreciation’. And I’d bet that a similar study made of runaway husbands would come out the same way. We often take our spouses so much for granted that we never let them know we appreciate them.’
This is not flattery or self-motivated words to appease someone but genuine appreciation and acknowledgment.
You could be working in an office where the cleaner comes and goes and you’ve never stopped to say thank you.
You could pass the receptionist or supermarket checkout assistant and never take the time to make them feel great.
Such a simple thing can cause you to have influence and favour wherever you go.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
‘The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it….the world is full of people who are grabbing and self seeking so the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage’.
As a business owner you want to sell something to someone. This is a great tip for your sales.
What does your customer want?
In their words, what are they looking for? When you can give them what they want, then you can show them how to get it, you’ll have unlimited potential to help your customers get exactly what they are looking for. This is how you influence people.
‘Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: “How can I make this person want to do it?” That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with futile chatter about our desires.’
He quotes Henry Ford as saying:
‘If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own’.
Self-Improvement helps you become more intentional with others.
If you take some time and focus on your personal development, pay attention to those around you, treat them how you would like to be treated, imagine how great it will be.
To have the great feeling of being accepted and important will build relationships both personally and professionally.
These keys start to separate the great from the ordinary! You really will learn How to Win Friends and Influence People
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