3 keys to clarity

Get out of your comfort zone, overpower the fear and know what to do next!

What makes you behave like you do when facing a barrier or block? How do you navigate through it? 

The voice in your head may say things like:

  • Why aren’t I doing the things I say I want to be doing?
  • How come one minute I’m an amazing go-getter and ambitious and I’m fearless and then next minute I’m lazy and running from my fear?
  • Why do I always seem to sabotage my success?
  • Why do I always seem to get in my way?
  • What’s really blocking me?
  • Am I really just setting myself up for failure again?
  • Why isn’t this going as smoothly as I’d like it to be?

If you can understand why you keep hitting this brick wall, you’ll be able to navigate past it.

It’s time isn’t it? To be the person you really want to be? Understand this about fact about yourself......

Every human being is driven by the need for certainty.

We all have a need for comfort, security and/or safety. A need to know and know that we know.

We want to be in control. To know we have a place to sleep tonight, meals on the table, that our family is safe. It could be the knowing we having a job, an income or comfort. Sometimes it’s the security of family, spouse or friends who have got our back.

When we feel certain, stable or comfort we feel we are able to avoid pain and discomfort and gain pleasure.

The minute we step out of our comfort zone, doing something new, there are many unknowns - that can be very uncomfortable. It can be unstable and insecure.

So what do we normally end up doing? We go racing back to what feels comfortable, secure and safe.

Hence we self-sabotage.

Hence going from a go-getter to lazy and fearful the next.

It’s the need for certainty, it drives our actions - or inactions. We become paralysed and stuck. We all do what we need to do to get this need met.

There are unlimited ways of getting this met. It’s different for all of us. I might get it met a different way to you, or I might need more of that certainty, security or stability than you need.

This need for certainty becomes the lid - the brick wall, that stops us from living our purpose.

This is what crops up whenever we are trying to start a new habit, or start new goals. 

We end up setting goals that are not really goals at all. 
They do not get us to our dream. They do not move us past our present condition. The reason is:

  • we set goals on what we know we can do
  • we set goals on what we’ve currently done
  • we set goals based on the current resources that we
  • we set goals for what we know how to do
  • we set goals that are foolproof

That means we are seeking certainty when we are setting goals.

We want clarity before we set goals.

If we don’t have clarity we kill the goal. If there are too many unknowns we abandon the goal.

Suspend the need to know the how. You don’t need to know everything in order to move forward.

Find a new way to get your need for certainty met, besides needing to know every step along the way.

Find a new way to feel comfortable and secure instead of looking for it in the ‘how to’ - or else it will always be a wall and barrier to you.

Alter how you get your need met for certainty.

Let’s take a look at what the comfort zone does.

We are in familiar territory when we are in our comfort zone. It doesn’t mean that we like being there, or that we’re happy. Some examples might be:

  • stay in a dead end job, for certainty of pay check.
  • sacrifice happiness for dead end relationship - level
    of certainty in knowing what we have.
  • be out of shape or overweight - we know how to live overweight and not work out, it’s the comfort zone. 

None of these things serve us. They keep us stuck, unable to move past the brick walls.

On the other hand...

A comfort zone might serve you greatly.

  • You might also like the comfort of a stable business. So you’re driven to work hard to build a stable business.
  • A comfort of a strong family bond, so you work hard to maintain that.
  • An active and healthy life-style, so you work out hard to be happy

This need for comfort and stability can be met different ways. It can either drive you forward or keep you stuck - it just depends on how you’re getting the need met.


  • Some people get their need met by taking control over what happens next. Predict the next step. This is where they map, plan and calculate everything. Spreadsheets or lists to make sure they are in total control and secure.

    Sometimes these ways serve us greatly but also recognise when this can backfire - when you are controlled by it so you cannot take risk or step forward because it hasn’t been totally planned out.

  • The other way is if we try to control people around us. It’s the need for certainty.

  • Some people have different practices that give them that. For many people it’s the practice of faith, belief in God. This is what grounds you and gives you a sense of certainty and confidence to step forward without knowing all the answers.

  • Others will feel a sense of assurance and certainty by having different types of practices in their business. These practices might take away the worry about where the next client will come. It’s this behaviour that creates a sense of security. 

Notice how you have activities in your life and business that make you feel more certain. Personally and professionally.

When this need is not being met, when we are not feeing certain, secure, comfortable. What starts to happen?

  • We start to get a little frantic or obsessive.
  • Our nerves start to go crazy.
  • We get beads of sweat or bite our nails.
  • Our words might not come out right because we’re
    nervous. Our actions shift or change because we’re not certain.

It alters the way we go into an activity.

What happens to you when that happens?

What can you do in that moment when you feel the nerves going off to bring you back to a place of certainty and comfort?

In that moment you can either allow yourself to move forward in that discomfort - which means you’ll go racing back to the comfort zone. You go from being fearless to fearful.

Find a way when you’re facing that uncomfortable, insecure moment - to move forward.

These keys can help you continue to move forward instead of moving into this trap and going back to the old habit or way of doing things.

This is a great advantage of working with a coach, they can help support you as you break out of your comfort zone and into the big life you are looking to step into. You can read more about the services here at Grace and Confidence here.

But here are some practical tips for you.

3 Keys to Clarity

#1 Observe


Notice how you’re getting your need met for certainty in that moment.

Things, people, places - what is making me feel certain. What is making me feel uncertain? Is it a person, a place, a thing? Is the feeling insecure or unstable?

What’s going on? How am I getting the need met? 

#2 Investigate 

Take a deeper look. Reflect.

What is driving you in this moment? Are you going take action or be paralysed?

What caused you to want to go back?

#3 Reevaluate

Reflect and reevaluate.

What is a new and empowering way that I can move forward?

What’s a way to handle it so that it feels great and I feel good about?

How can I find a way through so that I can go on to serve my greater good?

It’s not about suspending your need for certainty. it drives all of us so that’s not possible.

Suspend your need to get your need for certainty through the how-to. Meet it in a different way.

Some strategies to help you:

  1. Do some homework. Do some research. Hear how others have done it. Some practical steps, resources that can guide you. This can help you feel like you have a higher level of clarity to go forward.
  2. Get resourced. Turn to a mentor and/or coach. Looking for advice. Someone that has done it before. Get help to process your thinking so you can look at it a different way.
  3. Just do it. Don’t make it worse than it is. See how it goes. It’s through doing it, and experiencing it that you can get a lot of the answers and clarity.
  4. Remind myself of what the truth is. You may turn to faith or you may have to give yourself the truth of the situation. Remind yourself, ‘I’m creating it’. Certainty is an illusion. You don’t know what’s going to happen in the next 5 minutes. You make it up.

Don’t fight the feeling.

You can totally work out how else you can get this need met, take control of the fear and do it. Someone, somewhere is waiting for you to get really clear on the things that matter and what you’re going to do about them.

There is a higher purpose you’re living for, it’s going to take having a clear mind and deliberate actions to cause you to fly like an eagle.

I know you can do it! I believe in you.


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